So, this not talking to the ex thing. It's weird, I mean, of course I miss her, but I think a lot of it may have to be that I don't like it when people don't like me. And she doesn't like me. I think it would be easier to deal with not talking to her if she didn't think so low of me.

I'm kind of a sucker really... not one who can take a hint very well. I mean I call her, I write, I text message and I never get anything in return. You would think I would learn, right? Maybe I finally am. Today is exactly four months to the day since we broke up. It's probably high time I quit playing the role of the psycho ex-boyfriend.

I write her letters every day almost. Not that I ever give her any of them, it's more therapeutic for me, really. I thought about giving them to her the other day because we when last spoke she mentioned that she was hurt because all this time she thought that I didn't want to be friends with her. She only thinks that because of some letter I wrote that she never finished reading. Maybe she should have finished reading it. What would it prove really, giving them to her now? It would be nice if she knew how I felt, how I have been feeling, etc. But it wouldn't change anything. Hell, I'm not even sure I'd want it to. I just want us to be friends. Is that too much to ask? I've never got along with any girl my whole life as well as I did with her. A year and a half we were together. We never fought. We had EVERYTHING in common. We got along great. I loved her company. She was incredibly sweet to me. Why wouldn't I still want someone like that in my life? Why doesn't she see it that way? Why does she hate me so? Pleh.