i'm crying right now. i know the rose doesn't want to see me cry, but i can't help it right now. i miss the ex. god, it's been almost five months since we broke up. i'm good at getting over things, but this one i can't shake. it's the first time i've lived life with regret. i regret not being there for her all the times i should have been. i regret not telling her i loved her. she was the best thing that ever happnened to me and i fucked it all up. am i being silly? am i being a fool? she probably doesn't even think twice about me, but i'm sitting here, at 4am, crying because i know i ruined a good thing. fuck regret. it's too late, i'm a fucking idiot. some times i think that without her life isn't worth living. pathetic isn't it?

i don't know what it is. i've found people to sleep with, i've found people to like me, i've found companionship. and i still think about her. nothing can take her place, and nothing has. i fucked up the one good thing, and it makes me bawl like a baby. i makes me wonder what else is out there. could i ever be happier than i was with her? i want to tell her. i want to tell her i'm sorry. i want to tell her i love her. but i can't, and it makes me cry. it's over and it makes me cry.

and now my friends all hate me because i was selfish and kept them out too late. i'm sorry. i'm a horrible, selfish bastard. take a lesson from holli (yeah, i'm finally using real names here), because she finally learned. call her up if you're not convinced, i'm sure she'll tell you all about it.

fuck me, i'm moving...